Hey, <<First Name>>!
How does it feel to set boundaries?
Growing up, saying “no” in my family meant being yelled at and then ignored. As a result, I associated expressing my boundaries with being abandoned. To survive, I squashed my desires and became a huge people pleaser. No bueno.
Yet now that I have this awareness, I’m starting to unlearn that pattern.
This week I visited a friend in Boston. During my time there, I met a bunch of people who are experts at “cleanly” expressing their boundaries. In other words, they say something that another person might not want to hear. Yet they do it with such clarity, and lack of judgement, that it’s pretty hard to disagree.
For example, this particular exchange blew my mind:
Person 1: Do you want to continue our weekly coffee dates?
Person 2: To be honest, I’m not drawn to being in close friendship with you right now.
HOLY LORD. Can you imagine saying that to someone, <<First Name>>?! I can't.
Sure, person 2 was upset. Yet they left the interaction with clarity about where their relationship stood. There was no judgement passed about whether they were a good or bad person. Their colleague simply expressed their desire. Like it or not, that can't really be argued with.
Witnessing this interaction is one of the reasons why I want to work on saying "No" more. As The Joy List founder, part of me is afraid that setting boundaries will cause people to think that I'm a fraud. They'll say, "How can Jillian claim that she cares about community, yet doesn't have time for coffee with me?"
Fears aside, I'm learning to put myself first. And if someone has a problem with that boundary, it's their issue. As my therapist told me, "Jillian, someone's going to think you're a bitch eventually. Might as well embrace the bitchdom."
With that, let's move onto the GIF and the stuff! Take it away, Glinda:
Okay okay, two more things!
Have you heard of Woman Within?
If you know about Mankind Project, or Evryman, and wish something like that existed for women–– it does! Join me for a weekend of diving into our shadow and exploring all the nooks and crannies of our psyche. It's gonna be intense, but so, so transformative.
$720, scholarship and payment plans available. March 11 to 13. Jamison, PA. Info here.
I'm speaking at Startup Grind this week!
At noon California time tomorrow, I'll be giving a talk about why companies should advertise less and start create spaces for connection more. Send me good vibes! Or, if you happen to be in Redwood City, you can still buy a ticket.
Monday, February 11
Dinner for Introverts
Are you interested in expanding your professional network, but the idea of going to a networking event sounds dreadful? Enjoy meeting new people, but don’t particularly like small talk? You will be in good company as introversion is something many of us have in common yet is not often discussed openly.
$59. 7 to 9 PM. Center for Social Innovation, 601 West 26h St. Info here.
A Self-inquiry into Belonging, Relations, and Community
What holds us back from being in community? We will do journaling and sharing exercises in a cozy, informal atmosphere. The content of the workshop is inspired by the writings of M. Scott Peck.
Free. 7 to 9:45 PM. Sunview, 221 Nassau Ave. Info here.
Tuesday, February 12
People of Color Roundtable
This space exists as a one-of-a-kind experiment where artists can share work with and get feedback from a group that is 100% people of color. Part writers circle, part discussion forum and part low-key performance salon, the POC Roundtable offer artists of color the rare experience of sharing work at any point in the development process with an all-POC audience in a safe space.
Free. 1 to 5 PM. Musical Theatre Factory, 440 Lafayette St. Info here.
Ecstatic Dance is a place to let go of those thoughts in your brain that say "I'm a bad dancer. I look weird. I don't know what I'm doing." It's a place to just move. And it's wonderful.
$25. $5 off with code joyslisters. 6:30 to 11 PM. Judson Memorial Hall, 55 Washington Square S. Info here.
Wednesday, February 13
New York Nonprofit Connector
Strengthen your network with a diverse community of nonprofit professionals and leaders in NYC looking to create meaningful connections, build new partnerships, and share ideas and resources.
$25. 6:30 to 9 PM. Prime Produce, 424 W 54th St. Info here.
Tribe with Sebastian Junger
TRIBE was one of my favorite books that I read when doing research for my own book. Meet the author, Sebastian Junger, and discuss what we can learn from tribal societies about loyalty, belonging, and the eternal human quest for meaning.
$40. 7 to 8:30 PM. The Assemblage, 114 East 25th St. Info here.
Thursday, February 14
If I was in NYC for Valentine's Day, this is what I' be doing. Join Lila (of Horizontal With Lila!) for 4-handed massages, a hot tub, live erotica readings, and the best hot chocolate you'v ever tasted. Oh, and that's not even what's in the 14 rooms!
$40 with code GIVEMEJOY. 8 PM to midnight. Address near Myrtle JMZ given at purchase. Info here.
Lie down amongst pillows, close your eyes, do absolutely nothing, and delightfully float away into an erotic escapade of the imagination. Cuddling with your date is fully allowed and encouraged. Single? Well, inside our immersive tale you won't be. Sounds like a delicious Valentine's Day to us, as well. And so here we are.
$20. 8:30 to 10 PM. Lightning Society, 245 Varet St. Info here.
Friday, February 15
Fresh Air Collective: Winter Roots
If you're looking to escape NYC, I can't recommend anything more than Madeline Zins' experiences. You'll sing around a campfire, get grounded in nature, and eat delicious food. Ahhhh yes.
$195-$215. Friday to Sunday. Cornwall, NY. Info here.
Dance Lab: Movement Medicine
Movement medicine, followed by ecstatic dance? Even if you don't know what either of those things mean, show up.
$20. 7:30 to 11 PM. X Marks the Loft, 405 Johnson Ave. Info here.
Saturday, February 16
If you want to get plugged into the performance scene in NYC, this is the place to go. It's a gathering of some of the nicest musicians, actors, healers, and mischief makers in the city.
$10 suggested donation. 8 to 11 PM. Arts on Site, 12 St Marks Place. Info here.
Sing a Secret
A few Joy Listers have been to this event, and they've all loved it. Join Jonathan Stancato in an afternoon of group singing and vocal exercises. I hear it's warm fuzzy vibes and great people.
Free. 1 to 3 PM. Judson Memorial Church, 239 Thompson St. Info here.
Sunday, February 17
Meaningful Conversations: Is Love Something You Do?
We all know about love in our personal relationships, that it’s not just something you say or feel but that it’s something you show. But what happens when we think about love in a wider context? How do we embrace loving those beyond our existing circles?
Free. 6:30 to 8:30 PM. Bahai Center, 53 East 11th St. Info here.
Body Presentations: Come As You Are
Ooooooh, this is gonna be edgy. This practice releases shame, guilt, limiting beliefs and patterns held in the body. It celebrates our vessels through the art of being witnessed. In other words, you're gonna get naked and talk about your body. I trust Aweli as a facilitator, and know that she can seriously hold space.
Donation-based. 10 AM to 1 PM. Location given at RSVP. Info here.
Books on Books
I've been doing lots of reading about trauma recovery, and some of you have been asking what I recommend. So, if you're in the mood for some "holy shit this is heavy and now I need to take a nap" reading, check out:
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That's it for for this week, <<First Name>>! Tell a friend who's new to NYC to subscribe, like the Facebook page for even more events, and follow us on Instagram.
Hug and a high five,
Jillian and The Joy List team
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