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Snopes Says I'm A Fake Newsletter - Issue #6 / Spring 2018
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What Happened to Spring?
 
Toronto weather can be so quirky. One week it's winter-like conditions. The following week it feels like summer.

That's exactly what I experienced this Spring. I left for my Panama Canal cruise in late April in the middle of a nasty ice storm. That weekend we had a combination of freezing rain, ice pellets and snow. When I returned 3 weeks later, the city was lush green and hot. 

As for the cruise, it was fabulous. It's also the reason why my Spring newsletter is a tad late. Our 19-day cruise took us from Fort Lauderdale to Vancouver with stops in Columbia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Mexico and San Francisco. A distance of about 8,000 km. (5,000 miles). The highlight was passing through the Panama Canal, an amazing experience that took almost 11 hours. I have an album on Facebook with photos



 

Writing Update


In the Winter I reported that I had begun Draft #3 of my current project LOVED MARS, HATED THE FOOD. Since that time, I've had the manuscript reviewed by a number of beta readers and a professional editor. Draft #5 has been returned to the editor and my hope is that this summer I'll complete the editing process and move to the next stage of the process, querying literary agents.

While this is going on, I plan to begin work on my third book. It's a satire and untitled that I describe as an idiot's guide to running for President. Yes, you can become president without money, political experience or common sense. I think you get the picture. I would like to get it out for the next Presidential election cycle.

10 Great Lines From THE ROAD AHEAD

"He always happens to have a stack of business cards for his insurance brokerage that somehow fall out of his pocket at some point in the evening. He lets out an 'oops' and then when picking them up, asks if anyone would like one."

"A f***ing Muse. We have a Cabinet Minister who has a Muse. What's next? Maybe the Finance Minister should get a psychic? You know we all look like a bunch of idiots."

“Rick, politics is just another sales job. Except instead of selling insurance or car parts, you’re selling bullshit.”

"When will we see you again? Your father and I barely remember what you look like. We have to pull out old photographs to remind us."

“What the f*** is wrong with that guy! We'ave given the lead on the government’s biggest policy initiative to a sexist moron!”

“I'll get Cabinet Office to prepare a house note for the Premier. It might be advisable for Minister Shit for Brains to be a 'no show’ for house duty tomorrow. As for those two lovely tarts, perhaps we should arrange to have them relocated to Nipigon. Permanently.”

"No one was planning to make auto insurance an election issue until the Jason Bourne of politics went rogue and decide to blow a hole through the party platform."

“I like the idea of a secret relationship. It’s so mysterious. Being part of someone else’s life. I want to be able to excite someone’s creative passion. I believe that a muse in her purest aspect is the feminine part of the male artist, with which he must have sexual intercourse if he is to bring into being a new work."

“Let me explain how this works, Mr. Tompkins. The job of the chief of staff is to control access to the boss. That’s what I’m paid to do. So, if you want access, you need to tell me what it’s about. If it’s personal, I still need to hear about it. If you are selling magazine subscriptions, well I decide what he reads. If you are a Toronto Star reporter, I can tell you what Peter is thinking. If you are his wife calling to ask that he bring home a carton of milk, I’ll arrange to get you the milk. Do you get the picture?”

“So, your dumbass insurance salesman with tweed jacket and the geeky moustache is an MPP." She is laughing at the thought. "How messed up is this world?”

If you haven't picked up a copy, it is available in both paperback and Kindle versions through Amazon. A Kobo version is also available on the Chapters/ Indigo website.
 
Check out the reviews of The Road Ahead on the Goodreads website.
 
If you want to keep up with my articles and other projects check out my blog Snopes Says I'm A Fake.
 

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Willie Handler · 90 Summeridge Dr · Thornhill, ON L4J 8S1 · Canada

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